Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
