Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
