I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
