can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
