toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
