nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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