Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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