I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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