so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
