we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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