Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
