someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
