and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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