69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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