Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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