small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
