Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
