Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
