Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
