after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
