One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
sarcasm needs its own font
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
