Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
