News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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