Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
