i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
