As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
