Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
