Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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