I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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