I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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