As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
