he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
