You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
