Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
