yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
These tits shall not be calmed
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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