Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
