I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
