im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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