covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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