she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
