the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
