Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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