Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
