it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
