Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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