I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
