lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
