If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
