Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
