Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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