Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
