That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
