So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
