I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
