i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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