just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
