He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
