Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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